Saturday, July 25, 2009

Giving up

Im sitting here feeling pretty worthless right now. Im trying to figure out how the supposedly simple things in my life always blow up into big issues. My brother called me from work, asked me to ask our dad if he could pick him up something from chic-fila for dinner because by the time he got off work the place would be closed. Well being the kind of person he is he didn't want to do it so he tells me he wants me to go in and get it. I told him no Im not going, my brother asked him to go. So my mom volunteers to go. She goes to get the food and on her way out she trips and falls, scraps her knee and her chin. Do you know that man comes home and blames me. Says its my fault that happened to her. Now how is that my fault? I'm really tired of everybody blaming everything on me. So my mom tells her mom (we call her granny) what happened. Then granny tells her that she needs to go to the emergency room. So..thats where she is right now. This right here, is why I never write in my journal anymore. I never have anything good to write about anymore. Seems like things are always happening to try to bring me down, and you know what..its working. I really am wondering why I even bother. So close to giving up. I dont know why Im even here. Would anybody care if tomorrow I just disappeared? And I know people are probably thinking, its nothing to get this worked up about but this is just one more thing on top of everything thats been going on the last two months and I really dont think I can take anymore. Im beginning to not want to even get up anymore. Whats the point? Im just about ready to give up.


sober white women said...

I want you to do something for me. Will you please e mail me and in the e mail I want you want you to list three thing that you are grateful for today. I will tell you why later.

Amanda said...

((((((((((MELISSA)))))))))))))BElive me,I know how you feel,I feel like that most of the time,but than I block it out and think of my family,even thoe its hard,they love you.Alot of times,I wat to run away and hide.Than,thats when I think of y family,how hard it would be,if I wasnt here.You know,I am here if you need someone to talk to.You know I been there,and belive me,I have.I am still wondering all the time.But,you have so many people hwo love you and care for you and dont want you to give up.Your,Brother loves you,you also have a Boyfriend who loves you to.I hope and pray things get better.I am here for you.

Unknown said...

Hi Sweety,

Sorry I am way behind on my blogs. Do not ever give up my dear sweet friend, life is to precious. Let me tell you something right now things may seem over whelming, but can you ask your self a year from now is what is going on right now going to matter. Probably not. Listen when I was very young 22 maybe I felt the same way and decided I really did not care any more, I cut my wrist and yes I could of died 27 stitches later, along with embarrassment after the fact... a bit of therapy showed me that is never the answer. Sometimes you have to step back from the situation and take a deep breath. It is not your fault your mom fell, but maybe you dad was just upset she got hurt and needed someone to blame and it happened to be you. I love you, your family loves you so does Paul. And do not ever forget God loves you! You hang in there pumpkin, send me an email when ever you need to talk. I will be around a lot more online as Dave is coming home and things will be getting back to normal.

Missie said...

Sending hugs your way. Just matter how bad we feel about our lives, there is someone who's feeling worse!

Amelia said...

One thing on top of another... That is the way I feel. I wish it would just be a few big things that happened every now and then.. it's the constant misery that gets to a person. Melissa, I understand. I came very close the other day to stopping it all... very very close. Just try to tread through the days and hope that it will get better. I can't be all perky and promise you it will because it hasn't for me.