Sunday, August 2, 2009


Its dangerous to get to close

back away please I warned you

just one dose

is never enough, its true

back against the wall, trouble closing in

no emergency break to stop the speed

to helpless to defend

unless you stop, do not proceed

I beg you, its not safe

Move away, before its too late

Friday, July 31, 2009

Firdays Shoot-Out: Outdoor Foods

I love food..maybe a bit too much. And when I think of out door foods, I always think of a cook out. And you can have a cook out with out a good burger. And I love me some bbq ribs!

And you gotta have some hot dogs..I know a hot dog was in the first picture but at that time the burger was having its time in the spot I thought this weeks assignment was cool.

Monday, July 27, 2009


Well, I've been crying on and off today so..this poem is dedicated to those tears I cries.

I got issues
bring out the tissues
here comes the tears
pour out my fears
drain from my eyes
like water from the skies
feel all my pain
drip drop like rain
apon my cheek
my heart it weeps
from all the strain
feeling insane
conscious of it all
bracing myself for the fall

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Giving up

Im sitting here feeling pretty worthless right now. Im trying to figure out how the supposedly simple things in my life always blow up into big issues. My brother called me from work, asked me to ask our dad if he could pick him up something from chic-fila for dinner because by the time he got off work the place would be closed. Well being the kind of person he is he didn't want to do it so he tells me he wants me to go in and get it. I told him no Im not going, my brother asked him to go. So my mom volunteers to go. She goes to get the food and on her way out she trips and falls, scraps her knee and her chin. Do you know that man comes home and blames me. Says its my fault that happened to her. Now how is that my fault? I'm really tired of everybody blaming everything on me. So my mom tells her mom (we call her granny) what happened. Then granny tells her that she needs to go to the emergency room. So..thats where she is right now. This right here, is why I never write in my journal anymore. I never have anything good to write about anymore. Seems like things are always happening to try to bring me down, and you know what..its working. I really am wondering why I even bother. So close to giving up. I dont know why Im even here. Would anybody care if tomorrow I just disappeared? And I know people are probably thinking, its nothing to get this worked up about but this is just one more thing on top of everything thats been going on the last two months and I really dont think I can take anymore. Im beginning to not want to even get up anymore. Whats the point? Im just about ready to give up.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Friday's Shoot-Out: Reflections

I dont want to look in the mirror
I dont want to see
My own reflection starring back at me
I dont want to look, just want to hide
and get away from the pain inside
I dont need to see, I dont wanna know
Just need to get out, I just want to go
Away from my reflection, away from these eyes
Away from the torn soul, drowned by your many lies
Cant trust these eyes, cant trust this face
Wishing I could be some other place
Gotta get away from the glare
away from the constant stare
So I cant look in the mirror
Because I dont want to see
My own reflection
Starring back at me

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Fairy Tale

I want to dream about the house with the white picket fence
That I'll share with my prince
who rode in on that white horse and saved me
isnt that how fairy tales say its suppose to be
but I stopped dreaming of that long ago
the more you live, the more you know
The things you thought you wanted, you dont anymore
dreams were broken, you closed the door
No more making wishes, they dont come true
Believe me, they never do
Not for me anyway
sad to say
But along those broken wishes and dreams
I still hope and pray no matter how hopeless it seems
Even tho there are no fairy tales, I still hope that there will be
Somewhere in life, a happily ever after for me

Wednesday, July 22, 2009


Why cant I be normal, why must it be so hard for me
why must I suffer and feel the way I feel
Why cant I just be happy, why cant I be
Why must my nightmares always seem so real
Why do I feel like Im going insane

Monday, July 20, 2009

Plugging my on Blog

I've been posting alot in my most recently made blog. Noone seems to be Im not sure if people even know about it so I thought that maybe I'd put it out there. If you like to know about new tv shows, books and movies you should definately check it out.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Worth It

I just want to lay in the the water

let the cool waves wash over me

allowing me to forget everything

except what feels good, and right

just want to listen to the breeze

and feel it on my skin

allowing me to remember that its still worth it

to keep going, to hang on

begging me to see that its ok, to keep waiting

because one day I'll finally see

what all the waiting was for

and hopefully I will be able to say

It was worth it

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Fridays Shoot-Out: Yard Objects

I liked this assigment alot because I always love to see yard objects, decorations or oranments on people lawns or in their yard. I wish I could have stuff like this in our yard but I wouldn't dare leave anything worth taking in my yard because someone would only steal it. So..I have to live vicariously thru other peoples decorations. This is only regular stuff, people go all out for the holidays. Sometimes the amount of stuff you see in peoples yards, seems like they are competing with the folks next door. ya go.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Fridays Shoot-Out: Textures

Im a little late cuz I got stuck playing this game but..yeah

Wrap me inside your cloth

bind my body with silk

Just let the texture spread

and blend with my skin

soft, smooth and sexy like satin

Like tying a bow around you

and presenting yourself as a gift

Wednesday, July 8, 2009


It hurts deep inside to have this weak skin
that breaks at the slightest touch within
any kind of push or struggle tears away
at the core and makes it hard to make it thru the day
wondering when you'll ever be normal inside
not constantly wanting to hide from the world
like a scared little girl
hiding under the bed from a monsterous demon
that leaves you panting and screaming
on the edge of anxiety, deep in fight
making it difficult to sleep thru the night
but it hurts and it burns and its draining me
why, does it have to be

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Better Late than never right?

Well I know Im late but thought I'd drop in to say I hope everyone had a happy 4th of July. I didn't do much today. Played a game, watched a movie, read a book..thats about it, lol. I watched the movie "Pulse", its the third time ive seen it but I hadnt watched it in awhile. Since I didn't get a movie from netflix because of the holiday, I watched that.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Friday's Shoot Out-Celebrate Life

Well, here in Macon, GA we celebrate the Cherry Blossoms. Aren't they pretty!
They have a all week thing down town, celebrating, doing different things, like games, concerts, food, drinks, they even give out icecream, but I never get the chance to go get any cuz Im always at work at the time and they stop giving away icecream at 12 I think..or is it 1, heck I dont know but I never get any. At the end of the week they have a street party.

We also celebrate the Georgia State Fair.

With all the wind from the rides its always so much colder at night.

On the last day of the street party they have fire works at night.

Tomorrow being the 4th of July Im sure there will be lots of fireworks. I sometimes like to watch them at home, I can see them from my house.

Some people like to celebrate by wearing funny looking hats. I dont but some people do.

And whats a celebration without a few balloons.

And ice cream

And cake too! Im not sure how I'll be celebrating tomorrow of if I even will. Not sure what celebrating means to me anymore really...but these are some of the things I feel celebrating must be like. I hope everyone has a great 4th of July.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Needed you know or may not know, I dont really have any friends here and noone to really talk to. If theres anyone out there who wouldn't mind chatting with me thru emails sometimes let me know. My email address is: I need someone to talk to.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Tink Tuesday

Lastnight I finished reading "You've been warned", By: James Patterson. It is a really good book, very hard to put down. I got up early this morning because I had to go to the store. I didn't want to be out walking when it got too hot and I know it gets hot really early and the later it gets the hotter it is. So I went out and got my money orders, stamps, some snacks, cashed my check, hit the atm machine, got a coke and came back home. Got my bills out to be mailed, tithes put away, and insurance money..ugh..paid my mom what I owed her. I think thats everything for now. Snowflake was getting on my nerves this morning, she kept waking me up. After chasing her thru the kitchen I went in my room and closed the door to lock her out. When I got up at 9, and opened my door she was sitting outside the door waiting for me. I just dont understand that cat. Anyway, thought I'd drop in, type something. I think im gonna go read some more.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Friday's Shoot-Out: Colors of the Rainbow

Ok, now I want some cake!
I cant help but smile everytime I look at this

Beautiful and colorful

Gotta love rainbows

I love stuffed animals and having shoes of every color would come in handy dont you think?

Colors of the rainbow, orange, pink, red, blue

Match the feelings that ring so true

Containing the things we hold inside

The colors shine thru so we cant hide

Look at the beauty thats so plain to see

All colors are beautiful to me

Would have to have shades to match the shoes

Would be cool for halloween right?

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Stopping in...waving hello!

Has anyone noticed I changed my background? Its pretty obvious. Just thought I'd asked. I also changed my books on the corner after I dont know how long. Monday I went to the library to take back those books from 2 weeks ago and I got two more. "You've been warned", By: James Patterson and "Odd Thomas" by: Dean Koontz. Im enjoying both of them. Those are the good things. Right now, Im pmsing, and I've been moody all week..not constantly but you know...mood swinging and all that jazz, lol. See how I just went from so so to silly..ok, I think you get it now, anyway..just thought I'd drop in..say hello to anyone who might happen to stop by my little space here. And if you should happen to pop in for whatever reason, you should stop in more often, you never know, you might like it. While your at it wave, or say might like that too. I know I would. But I'm pushing the time. I might be back later today...dont know, but I definately will be back tomorrow tho, to do that shoot out thingy. Have a nice day everyone.

Sunday, June 21, 2009


why cant I feel you here when I need you the most
feeling like Im loosing it and I need a friend
someone to talk to but noones around
trying hard to smile but all I can manage is a smile
not sure what to do or what to say
not sure if it would matter either way
all I know is that I want things to be better
I would like to be done with this stormy weather

Friday, June 19, 2009

Friday's Shoot-Out: Metal

My first time at doing a Fridays Shoot-Out. I know mine is different than most entries but Im really into my writing at the moment so I just cant help myself. So, I have two different takes on the word "Metal". The first, a poem of a weird obsession with the love of metal. And 2nd is a short shory of someones hate for metal because of tragic events as a child.

Metal in my hand

The metal in my hand feels so good, cold
Like the ice in my mouth, very bold
So much heavier, smooth to touch
Didn't realize I'd love it so much
This obsession with metal things
No need for gold or diamond rings
I love how it shines, yes its true
I dont know what I should do
Except to seek out the object of my obsession
Until it becomes my posession
I really dont care that noone understands
My love for the metal in my hand

Metal Bars

When walking down the street one night, I froze dead in my tracks. Why was this happening to me. Why couldn't I ever escape this nightmare. There across the road were metal bars. Trying hard to control my breathing, I clutched at my throat. I couldn't have a panic attack here, not now. Gathering all the strength I could find I took off down the street, not sure what direction I was going because I could barely see. My eyes, blurred with the tears filling up and running over. I ran until my legs burned. Legs shaking, feeling as if they were going to crumble beneath me, I ran in to a brick wall. Looking up, I realized I had run into a apartment complex. My back against the brick wall, my body slid down slowly until I sat down hard on the ground. Eyes still glazed over, my mind flashes back to those years long ago as a child. My mother and father had divorced, and we were living with her new friend. When she was away at work, he'd lock me up in a room down stairs with metal bars. Trapped there all day until my mother was on her way home. He'd always ask her to call to let him know when she was on her way home. I knew he did this so he would have time to let me out. I tryed to tell her one night when he was asleep. My mom and I were cuddled on the sofa watching a movie. She didn't believe me. She yelled at me and made me go to bed early. What was worse was that she told him what I had said and he punished me for it. He had slapped me hard across the face and punched me in the stomach. I didn't get my food bowl that day, nor my water dish. Blinking my eyes and shaking my head, I force the memories from my thoughts. Most days its as if it never happened. I can almost forget that those horrible days even existed. Until Im rudely awakened by the site of metal bars and Im taken back to those achingly sick memories that I now realize will forever haunt me. I grab my purse that had slipped from my hand and dig inside until I feel my cell phone. Flipping it open, I dial my best friends number.


"Maria, I need you to come get me."

"Ok, where are you?"

"Pine Ridge Aparments".

"How'd you get over there?"

"I'll explain later, just please come get me before I freak out anymore than I already have."

"Ok, Im on my way."

"Maria, one more thing."

"Yeah, what is it."

"Do you best to avoid going down Clinton Road."

"Ok, but whats on Clinton Road?

"Metal bars."

If you enjoyed this short story check out my "Twisted Stories" journal.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Im Back

Im back! How long has it been? Hopefully not too long. Im finally coming out of my medicine haze. I had to take some medicine lastnight because my allergies started to act up. I went to bed earlier than usual for me. Apparently the meds hadn't worn off yet when I got up today. Thankfully I haven't been having much trouble with my allergies. I've been praying that for my allergies to go away. Its been helping and I rarely have to take any medicine anymore. I've been praying about my frequent bathroom visits too. Im gonna start drinking more water and go when I have to instead of holding it. Thats only making things worse. Oops, brb, bathroom. Ok, Im back. I was talking to Paul a little earlier and he was telling me that I should tell people about my experiences with God and my blessings. And I think he's right because even tho I do have problems. Things I wish could be better, things happen that I cant really change, there are also alot of good things that happens too. I have grown so tired of always complaining and writing about the negative things. I think that is the main reason why I fell out of love with blogging. Altho I do think I need to write about the negative because its like the best way for me to release the stress and tension, to get it all out. Writing has always been my way of release every since I knew how to write. If I wasnt writing I was drawing..or reading. Those are things that have always been apart of me. And I dont want to loose any of that. So Im going to try to focus on writing about the blessings in my life. There will be some negative from time to time..cant get around it but. I would hope that my life has more positives than negatives. But well see. Anyway, yesterday I went to the movies with my mom. We went to see "Drag me to Hell". It was a good movie. Before we went to the movies we went to the $1 store. I love that store. They had two of my favorite candies that I rarely see anywhere anymore. The fruit flavored tootsie rolls, and sixlets. I wasn't plan on spending as much as I did but its so easy to stack up alot of stuff in there. I dont think I would have picked up as much if I didnt have to stay in there as long. I made a mistake with the times and we got there like an hour and 1/2 too early so I was trying to pass the time in there, which was easily too do but also easy to loose money too. I got some freeze pops too, and of course I had to get some stationary, tuna, chicken salad and bubble bath. They had these 1 liter bottles of bubble bath for $1. Im almost out of the last bottle I bought from there so Im glad I got it. I got two. I didn't like the bus ride back cuz it was packed and so hot. I forgot my music cd on my bed so I had nothing to listen to. When I got home my feet hurt so bad. Actually, they are still bothering me. I keep thinking I should have got that foot spray to soothe ur feet when their swollen or achy, but I put up back. I'll get some next time but I wont be going back until I get paid again. Im trying to make my money strecth until then. The last time I went to the atm machine I basically spent all the money I got out on bills so I thought I would have been broke by now. Thank God for that. Surprisingly my dad has been paying me back the money he borrowed. So thats been great. I dont mind lending him money at all as long as he pays it back. Yesterday me and my mom walked over to chic-fila. You know I got mosquito bites on the back of my feet so when I walk in my shoes they itch bad. I didnt get anything from there even tho I love their chicken on a budget and Im trying to be good. Ugh...I gotta pee again. Back. Im listening to the audio book "Alone". Im on the 5th disc. Wednesday me and my brother watched the movie "Autopsy". Its one of those horrorfest movies. It was interesting. Ok..I think Im all typed out for now. Not sure when I'll write again but I'll be back.

Monday, June 8, 2009


thought id pop in a try again at this thing called blogging. its so funny how it used to be something I loved to do. I mean I would think about all day at work about what I would write in it when I got home. but some how that passion i once had for blogging as dwindled. I hate it, but I have found my passion for writing stories again which I love. Anyway, I had a good weekend. I spent time with Paul, watched movies, read, played games, not much else. Today I went to the library and signed up for a library card. Haven't done that in so long. I checked out a book called "Beach Road", By: James Patterson and I got a audio book called "Alone", By: Lisa Gardener. I also went to family dollars and got some things. Flipflops, bubble bath, batteries...and a few other things. I caught the bus down there but walked back so I could get some excercize. I left early this morning and can you believe it was already hot around 10am? Crazy. I am not ready for the heat wave I just know were gonna have.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

2nd Attempt

Heres my second attempt at trying to make a normal entry. My weekend has been pretty nice, altho I haven't been doing much. But sometimes thats excatly what you need. Some straight up rest and relaxation. I've been playing games or trying to. I wanted so bad to play "The Legend of Crystal Valley" on my emachines game console, but I got stuck on a puzzle. My brother suggested that I go online and look up the walkthru for the game. So I did that and was able to finish the puzzle. But then I got stuck again at another part. Instead of trying to tough it out and figure it out on my own, I had the bright idea to log on and look at the walk thru again. Well, apparently the game didnt like that cuz it cut off on me and wouldn't play anymore. I was so pissed cuz its such a cool game and I hardly got anywhere on it. So I started to look up other game sites to see if maybe I could download the game from somewhere else. I found one..on big fish games, but do you know that they only have it as a demo so I still wasnt able to go anywhere on it. Sucks. Usually on Big Fish they at least let you play for 60 minutes before they cut you off but not this game. Im still unhappy about it. But what can you do. I also played "Cate West:The Velvet Keys" and Hidden in Time: Mirror, mirror", both for 60 minutes. I really hated for the Cat West game to end. It was so cool. Today I also played "Adventures of Robinson Crusoe" which is really cute. I was able to finish it on Emachines. Now Im currently loading "Spirit of Wandering-The Legend" on emachines and "Redrum" on Big Fish. Hmm, whatelse have I been doing? Reading...oh, last night me and Junior watched "My Bloody Valentine 3D". It was pretty good. I just wish more of it was in your face 3D. I may have jumped about 3 times, thinking something was coming at me. I talked to Paul for awhile on Friday. Talked to him um..three times yesterday. Why isn't there anything on tv anymore? I gotta stop eating so much. Ok, I think I said enough for today. If you have time stop in and read my story journal please!

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Feeling weird about writing

Well Im having a hard time coming up with anything to write anymore. But I want to try. it might take me some time to get back into it. It feels weird even now typing an entry. I feel sort of anxious. Its not a good feeling. A writing in here used to be one of my most favorite things to do. I went from writing in here every day, to every other day, to barely at all. I guess this is it for now. Gonna watch "Joy Ride 2".

Saturday, May 2, 2009

A Writers Plea

Hello everyone. Im in need of a favor. Maybe you dont want to do me a favor, lol. If you dont, its ok. But if you'd like to help, it would really make me happy. So I will say pretty please with a strawberry on top. I put strawberry cuz I dont like cherries. Anywho, on to the favor. I have seriously lost my inspiration to write. Hence, the lack of recent entries. I have nothing exciting in my life to write about, besides the fact that Im in love...but who wants to read about lovie dovie stuff? Wouldn't want to bore anyone with that..and Im so tired of writing about my job. When I leave that place I would prefer to leave that all behind anyway. But what I really miss is writing my stories. I know most of you probably havent read my story journal, and if you have maybe you didnt like it..but um..where was I going with this. Crap...let me make this short..or um shorter. If you could go to my story journal and read the last dont have to read the whole thing but at least the last two chapters..and let me know what you think should happen next. I am so stuck on where to go next..and an idea or two on where I could go with it might help. Im really itching to end this story. Its already long enough as it is...but I dont want to just throw a lame ending together just to be done with it. I really love the story and Im proud of how far I was able to go with it but Im starting to feel like ive reached the end of the rope on this one. So any ideas? would be nice. Im very close to just not finishing the thing..which I really dont want to leave another story unfinished. Im leaving the link to my story journal at the end of this entry. I really hope someone can give me at least one of two ideas to work with. This is truely life or death for this story because I have already started a new story that I am very excited about getting into. If I dont come up with something soon..this story might not be finished at all. Im already on chapter 3 on this other story so I really want this other story to end one way or another. Please help.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009


in the back of my mind, thoughts deep like the ocean
I try so hard not to drown in them
So I walk toward the puddles
Telling myself its ok if I get splashed
but as soon as the water hits I struggle
determined not to be angry
I move forward, reaching for the wall
that keeps the water at bay
feeling as if the dams about to burst
I jump much to soon
I try not to hate myself for falling
But still mad that Im still not patient enough to wait
behind the wall is still the wind that stirs the water
Causing the waves that frightens me
Down on my knees I realize much to late
That Im still dry

Friday, April 24, 2009

8 things

So glad its the weekend. Took long enough to get here. Well...I saw this thing in a journal called "Delightfully Inappropiate" ..I wasnt tagged but wanted to do it anyway, so here goes.

8 Things I'm Looking Forward To:

1. Talking to my b/f

2. Summer vacation

3. Seeing a good movie

4. Starting another good book

5. Sleeping in

6. Being lazy

7. New shows starting up

8. Playing a new game

8 Things I Did Yesterday:

1. Watched webisodes

2. Went to work

3. Wrote a long letter

4. Read a good book

5. Tryed to play a game

6. Listened to music

7. Watched tv

8. Texted my brother while I was at work

8 Things I Wish I Could Do:

1. Sleep in every single day

2. Find a better I actually liked and one that paid well

3. Not let the things ppl say and do bother me

4. Play an instrument

5. Paint

6. Have hot sexy dreams

7. Travel

8. Run away with Paul

8 Shows I Watch:

1. SuperNatural

2. Medium

3. Prison Break

4. Ghost Whisperer

5. House

6. Fringe

7. American Idol

8. Doll House

Working...and Coughing..and whatever else

Well I had planned to do an entry yesterday but blogger was giving me trouble again so I just gave up. Im so glad today is friday. I really dont feel like going to work but I guess Im going anyway. Hopefully today wont be too bad. I just hate the sight of my boss cuz she has pissed me off so much this week. Im so tired and sleepy and I really need some rest. Last night it was storming...raining...thundering and lightening..ugh..I hate lightening. I can deal with all the rest, just skip the lightening part. I realized that Im not completely over my cold yet. Its been causing me to have a severe dry throat early in the morning and late at night and a very annoying dry cough during the day. Been coughing up cold this morning. Yuck. Guess I better cut this short. I have to go in 5 minutes. *Sigh* Wish me luck.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Ups & Downs

My day at work sucked. So much so that i dont even want to talk about it. But my day has gotten better since I got home. I got my buzz kit in the mail today.

As you know Im a buzz agent..if you didnt, well now you know. The Newest campaigne is Max Factor 2000 Calorie Etreme Lash Plumper and Vivid Impact Lip color. I tryed it and I love it. The Lip color I tryed was "Ms. Right" and "Vegas, baby". My favorite is "Ms. Right". Red is my favorite color. It goes on smooth and easy and adds the right kinda kick I need to my look. And I absolutely love the 2000 Calorie lash plumper. It makes my lashes look longer, bolder and definately plump. it accents the eyes in a major way. I'd definately recommend this make up. Its one of a kind.

Also I got my Day 26 cd today and I love it. Their 2nd cd is even better than the first one. I also got a movie from Netflix today. Its called "Red Mist". I hope its good. I talked to my boyfriend and he helped me feel alot better. He drew me a picture and wrote the sweetest words on it. It really helped to brighten my day since I was down earlier today.

Better late than never

Well I wanted to post something yesterday but blogger was being me and giving me a hard time trying to sign on so I just gave up. I had my little entry ready and everything. It wasnt much but I had written something..anyway. Im not ready to go to work today. I wanted to stay in bed so bad today. I hope my cd comes in the mail today. I thought it would have gotten here by now. I ordered it last Monday. Ok, Im gonna post want I was gonna post yesterday just so I dont feel like a waste of time typing it. Hmm..I need new of something.

Thankful no headaches, no pains, no allergies far. Better not speak so much of it, wouldnt want to jinx myself. Today is only Tuesday yet I wish so much for friday already. All of a sudden my mouth is really dry..weird. Im at a loss for words. But I still try. Better luck tomorrow.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Pain in my head

Well I was hoping I could get a real good entry in here today but once again, something is trying to hold me back. Ever since I got home from work I've had this horrible headache on the side of my head. Sucks. I did finish reading "Breaking Dawn" today and I stated reading "The Mile High Club". I took a nap when I came home from work, hoping it would help the pain in my head go away, but no such luck. Then I took two tylenol...still not I dont know. My "day 26" cd still hasnt come yet. Maybe tomorrow. So I guess thats it for now. Send me good vibes for my head pain.