Saturday, February 28, 2009


I was given the "Sexy Blogger Award" By Sharon of Life is a wonderland. Thank you so much! Actually this award was given to me for my Story Journal, but since only a few people read it I wanted to share it here.

List five things about yourself that YOU think makes you SEXY!
Ok, I have to change the rules on this a little bit because..well, I dont really think of myself as sexy. So im going to name 5 things that people have told me they think is sexy about me.
1. My eyes. I have been told I have sexy eyes..even heard I have bed room eyes. (whatever that means)
2. My smile. I've been told that my smile is sexy. (I can almost see that..sometimes)
3. My body. Ive been told I have a sexy body or sexy shape. (still dont understand that one)
4. My voice. People tell me I have a sexy voice. do. (I dont like my voice)
5. My Stories and Poems. Ive been told that some of my stories and poems are sexy. (I can actually see that...cuz I can really go there when I want to, lol)

My picks:

Another award given to me for my story journal by Sharon (thanks girl!) "Addicting Blog Award".

List 7 things you do on a regular basis that could become an addiction.
1. Drink Coca-cola (yeah, already an addict Coke is the real thing! LOVE IT!)
2. Being on the computer/Online (past addiction)
3. Watching movies (hmm, yeah..already there. I love! Love! Movies!)
4. Eating (This really is something I have to do, but I do think it can become additing)
5.Popping pills ( I hope it never becomes an addiction but Ive been doing alot of that lately)
6. Daydreaming ( I seem to do alot of this recently too, guess its not a bad thing)
7. Reading ( I used to be very addicted but slowed down, I think its coming back)

My picks..

And last but certainly not least. I got the "Look how cool" award from Alvia of ADM Designs. Thank you so much!

I'm supposed to pick 8 blogs and pass it on to them.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Early Morning Annoyances

Too early in the morning to be up..7:27a.m.
Im cold even tho the heat is on
My mood..feeling..or lack of feeling..numb
Not ready for the week to start but what can you do to stop it?
I didnt even get to sleep for the whole last hour because I woke up with my dad with his heavy boots walking back and forth playing with the knob on my heater
I tryed so hard to ignore it but I couldnt any longer
Cuz the foot steps stopped but he was still standing there
So I quickly pulled the covers from my head and looked up at him thru blurry eyes and asked what he was doing
do you know what that man asked me?
"How did the heater come on when its turned off?" What? That is not the kinda question you ask somebody fresh out of sleep early in the freakin morning. I just said I dont know, rolled over and put the cover back over my head. I guess he had satisfied hisself since I was awake now. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't go back. The fact that the cat decided she wanted to play inside her litterbox nonstop until my clock went off, annoyingly telling me, there was no hope left for sleep. And guess what? As soon as I got. Snowflake stopped making noise in her litterbox! Yeah, I have a feeling something is gunning for me today. And I haven't even left the house yet. Crap, hadnt even got out of bed yet. Im scared to go to work now.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Broken Poetry

Sometimes emotions run so deep
down the hills and slopes, so steep
leaving you panting feeling like its your last breathe
frantically worrying for your sanity and health
what do you do, when you dont know what to do anymore
where do you go, when theres no open door
who do you lean on when noone understands
When your heart falls, where does it land

Anxiety waits and creeps apon your soul
like an invasion of something stole
left abandon at the bottom of the see
no idea where on earth you should be
in a world that doesnt love you
lost and unsure what to do
when panic sets in you let out a scream
then you pass out and hope it was all a dream

Tomorrow comes even tho your not ready
You must continue to stand even tho your legs are unsteady
You must keep going all tho it hurts to move
So you try your best to get into a grove
Only to be thrown a curve ball to get you off course
Angrily looking for the source
You slowly began to fall behind
Time you cant continue to find
To stop and get yourself together
Counting on people is like counting on the weather
But you keeping moving you have no other choice
While stumbling and falling and loosing your voice
You continue on, grasping at hope
Up and down the slippery slope

I dont want to look, I dont want to see
That reflection looking back at me
I try to hide it the best I can
Things never work out the way I plan
Someone always comes along
Your forced to play your sad song
And open up that old sore
Many times ripped and tore
The memories, they still burn
And your stomach still turns
So I dont want to look, dont want to see
Sometimes I simply just dont want to be

Friday, February 20, 2009

Kids trying to be Grown

Today at work was rough. we had someone out again today which always puts more work on me. Im so glad its over with. Im tired and I need some rest. Im gonna force myself to do my hair tomorrow and get it over with. And maybe I will take some pictures. I dont know. When I was on my lunch break today at work, one of the para-pro's came up to me and tells me that one of the little boys in here kindergarden class got suspended for making a sexual gesture with his hands. You know how some people will make a circle with there fingers and move another finger in and out of it..thats what the kid supposedly did and she said he was hunching on a little girl. But thats not the worst part. Then she tells me that the boys older brother who is in the 4th grade got suspended today too because of a note he wrote to a girl. Later the same lady comes up to me and shows me a text another teacher sent to her telling here what the note said. So she hands me her cell phone to show me the text message..the message basically said that in the note the little boy wrote that he wanted to eat this girls pussy and f*ck her in the a**..not my words, just sharing what I read...look I even added little stars to make it not look so...nasty..but anyway, I was like dang, those are grown man later when im cleaning up the dishroom, I find the note on the floor. Apparently, someone tried to throw it in the trash and missed. Now the dishroom floor was all wet..and so was the note..well, cuz it was on the floor. But I still was able to open it and read it..even tho it started to tear. What the note actually said was this: (Keep in mind a 4th grader wrote this) To:Juicey (why is a 4th grade girl name Juicey?) From: Turk aka: Sexy (and how is a 4th grade boy named Sexy?)
****Sorry..on to the note**** Baby, I love your body and your sexy eyes. When I look at you I think that I got the best looking girl in the world. My d*ck ready but is your p*ssy?You need to let me know when, where, what time. I love you.

Juicy & Turk


****End of note****

But you know, after they caught a 4th grade girl bent over in the boys bathroom, getting in from behind by a forth grade boy, I am not surprised. Ugh....I just dont get why kids want to be grown so freakin fast.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Free samples & other things

well today has been another one of those tiring days. after work i went to cash my check. the lady who cash my check was all asking me if i lost my job because I dont come in there anymore. that aint none of her buisness. but exhausted and glad that tomorrow is friday. i got home and saw that I had got my other check in the mail. i am not about to go all the way back again tomorrow. i'll just wait until next friday when my money is in the bank and get it all done at once. all this walking is not helping my thighs heal. they are so freakin sore. not as bad as earlier this week but still. My brother let me use his cellphone to listen to music cuz the batties in my cd player died on my way back home yesterday. I got that money order to put on the phone bill today. I feel alot better now that I know it wont be so high. I washed dishes already and got that out of the way. Yay! Man, I took a bubble bath and I got the water way too hot! Ouch..but once I got in it, it felt really good. I had to kinda ease my way into it.

I know Im always talking about the free samples I get in the mail. I thought Id share some with you.

Free Subscription to soap opera digest. (All you soap fans, this is for u)

Free Huggies baby wipes (even if u dont have a baby..wipes come in handy

Free paper towel sample from walmart

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Ready 4 the week 2 end

Im tired and my thighs are sore. I went and go my tax refund check today after work. I guess I will go cash it tomorrow after work. Im gonna ask my brother if I can take his phone with me to work tomorrow so I can listen to some music on my way down there cuz my batteries died on me on my way back from Clarks and Associates. Im ready for this week to be over with already.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Update: Later that day..

Ugh..well I lost my entries so I guess I will try to do it again. My mom finally got in touch with her Dr. Now she has an appointment to go see some other Dr. way across town next Monday. I dont understand why my mom has to practically hunt down this Dr. It makes no sense. I just dont know. She also has another appointment this thursday to see her Dr. Im hoping this other Dr. will be able to figure out whats wrong with her and give her something to make her feel better. It makes no sense for her to be hurting like this every day. Im pissed at myself cuz I let the phone bill get to high..ugh..I gotta do something. I think when I get my tax refund back im gonna put a good bit on it, its a start to getting it down. I got a free candle sample in the mail today. I love candles. They come in handy when the lights go out.


Today at work wasnt too bad as far as working even tho, two people were out. I ended up having to work on the line today tho but it was ok since we had all those salads. I called my mom around 12 when I had a little break to see how she was doing. I had wanted to call her earlier but I didnt because I thought she might be sleeping and I didnt want to wake her, specially since when I woke up this morning at 5am she was awake and she said she was hurting. So I waited until 12 to call and I talked to her and she didnt sound so good. She said her chest was hurting real bad and she could hardly breathe. So then I started to get worried. She says shes feeling a little better but she's still hurting. She's been trying to get in touch with her doctor but the helfer cant be reached. This is pissing me off. Whats the point of having a doctor when they dont help you. This is why I dont like Dr.'s. All that she went thru in the hospital and they couldnt find anything so they send her home and haven't done anything to help since..I mean dang, haven't even checked on her to see how she was doing or what? I just dont know what to do. I dont want anything to happen to my mom, I dont know what I would do. Its starting to scare me. So many people are getting sick and dying...I dont even want to think about it. Ugh..I need to change subjects before I depress myself. But I cant think of anything else to write right now. So I guess I'll just stop here.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Back 2 It

So its back to work tomorrow. Im not ready for it at all. Even tho I had 4 days off it doesnt even seem like it cuz one day I was sick, the 2nd day I was recoving, and the last two days went by in a freakin blur. Im glad that i will be back in the dishroom tho, because I hate working on the line. It was my intention to work on letters today but I havent at all, and I know it wont get done now because I'm getting a headache. I had some yummy candy tonight, it was hersheys kisses but it was white chocolate and it had cookie in it. I need to find some of those. I wonder if they are at all stores or if its a special thing cuz my mom brought it home from my cousins wedding on Saturday. I also had so kisses that were cordial cherry..its what my mom got my day for V-day..interesting taste. I really need to stop eating all of this chocolate. I need to get this phone bill paid. I wonder why the bill hasnt come yet.

Stanky Leg

Ok I literally cleaned myself sore...well..not me but my room. Now Im pooped. Im not suppose to be working today. And all that dust has started up my allergies. Thats the last thing I need. Its a song out now called "Stanky leg". it me or is this gross..I mean I wouldnt tell nobody I had a stanky leg. I know its the name of a dance, but thats not a nice name..I wouldn't want it. If somebody told me I had a stanky leg I'd be offended. They really need to find some better names for these stupid dances and songs they keep making.

Dont ask questions you dont want the answers to

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Feeling numb/My picks for the Bff award



Shards of glass, insert here

Razor blade, cut there

Blood dripping everywhere

If it splashes, I dont care

I feel really down for some reason, yet..I feel..really numb inside. You know like how sometimes you can cut yourself, bump hard against something but you dont feel it at just feel sort of like a black out of the body. Im tired and worn out. I feel ashamed and dirty. I feel stupid, worthless, empty. And I feel annoyed with myself for feeling all of these things. Wait..let me back track..I felt all of those things at first, and now I just feel numb..yeah thats it. I confuse myself sometimes.

I hate our mailman

Im pissed cuz I have been waiting all day for the mailman to come cuz I was suppose to get something in the mail and he didnt even bring it. I dont know what his problem is or why he cant never bring all my freakin mail when he is suppose too. Work wasnt too bad. After work I went to do my taxes. Im glad that I got that out of the way. I just want the mailman to bring my stuff. Is that too much to ask for?

Monday, February 9, 2009

90 things about me

90 Things You Might Not Know About Me...

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT? my brother threw one of his toys at me when he was little and it hit me in my face.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM? posters, calendars, drawings, pictures

3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP? I used to talk in my sleep when I was little, I also used to sleep walk, ive grinded my teeth in my sleep before but I dont think so recently. My family tells me I have a faint snore sometimes.

4. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO? I like R&B, Hiphop, pop, rock, and gospel



7. WHAT DO YOU MISS? spending time with the person I love

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION(S)? um, Id have to say my computer and my cd player..oh and my tv...wait my, that wasnt a good question to ask, lol.

9. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5'5 or 5'6, im unsure

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC? no..I dont mind small enclosed spaces..but I dont like being in small enclosed spaces with alot of people

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?sometimes. when I have bad dreams I dont like to be in the dark when I wake up. some nights I sleep with my tv on but its on mute.

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?wow..I cant remember..thats good right?

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PERFUME FOR A GIRL?I dont really have a favorite..whatever smells good. I dont use perfume alot, I mostly buy body spray

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX? Um..well I think black hair is beautiful on anyone. As for eye color I dont know...I find a persons eyes can be very sexy..a man with sexy eyes can always get my attention. I dont think its a specific color tho, but the shape of the eyes and the intensity in them is what really gets too me.

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF PROPOSING/ BEING PROPOSED TO? um...well I think id rather be proposed to in private...that should be a private moment, so somewhere alone in a romantic setting. But that doesnt always happen, so it really doesnt matter, its the way in which you are proposed to, not so much where.

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK? Energy drink, me needs lots of energy

17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA? meatlovers pizza from pizza hut

18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE? some chips, I want something to snack on but I dont really need anything.

19. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH? lol..actually yes I have

20. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU? How the heck would I memory is not that good, lol.


22. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED? maybe, who's asking and why?

23. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND? yeah right..why pay for a name. somebody should pay me to put my name on some clothes, lol

24. DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW? yes and she is a spoiled brat and Im glad she is not bothering me right now

25. WHAT KIND IS IT? a cat




29. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES? brunettes I guess


31. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST? negative and critical people



34. MET ANYONE FAMOUS? nope, cant say that I have

35. FIRST JOB? I worked at a summer program for kids

36. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL? no i dont think so


38. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY? thankfully no

39. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST? either my eyes or my body..or is it my face..crap, pick one! I dont know, i get compliments alot and I dont know why.


41. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? hmm.well, Im not gonna wish for anything big..I just want to see a good movie.

42. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT? uh, sometimes, none..sometimes 1..Im still undecided

43. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? no I wasnt and I like it that way

44. DO YOU WISH ON STARS? I used to, but not anymore. wanna know why? cuz it dont work,lol

45. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE?whatevers avaliable

46. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? yeah I do, sometimes I get annoyed with it tho


48. ANY BAD HABITS? sure..ready to be grossed out? If not, skip quickly..I'll give you a minute......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................gone yet? for you sick people who like being grossed out, lol..I like to peel my scabs..and then watch it bleed, lol..ha ha, you asked for it, lol.

49. WHAT IS THE MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON YOUR SHELF? Im not really embarrassed by any of my cds. But one cd I wish I didnt get was the princess diaries sound track, and I still dont know why I got it, I dont even remember buying it. apparently I blacked out!

50. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?oh, i'd love me! Im a good friend, lol.

51. DO LOOKS MATTER? Yes, I mean to a point looks does matter, who doesnt want to be physically attracted to the person their with. But I dont think that should be the basis for a relationship, I mean you can be drop dead gorgeous but if we cant get along and have nothing in common it wont work no matter how bad you might want it to.

52. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER? writing it out, in a poem or in a diary/journal/blog, singing, dancing, drawing or if all else fails, just kick and throw something.

53. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME? I don't have one.

54. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? my cabbage patch doll, her name was Lisa

55. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE? um, would you like me to count? I can, hold on..15, I think

56. WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A KID? lol..not a fan but I thought it was funny

57. DO YOU USE SARCASM? all the time

58. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE? Macaroni and cheese please! I hate mashed potatoes

59. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY? someone who can make me laugh, accepts me for who I am

60. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? Lissa, Bird, Hunny

61. WHATS YOUR FAVORITE BAND/SINGER?: Favorite band "Linkin park/Evanescense...Singer:Mariah Carey/Beyonce'

62. WHATS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW? House, SuperNatural, Ghostwhisper, Medium, Monk, The Real World

63. WHAT WAS YOUR ACT/SAT SCORE?I dont know..I think I did better than I thought I would tho





68. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO? the tv guid channel




72. LAST TEXT YOU GOT? from Missy

73. FAVORITE THING TO HAVE? peace and quiet/privacy

74. FAVORITE MONTH OF THE YEAR? I dont think I have one..hmm..maybe a month during the summer cuz I dont have to work,lol

75. FAVORITE ZODIAC SIGN? mine...sagg


77. EYE COLOR? brown

78. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? I dont really like sports, but sometimes I watch boxing, wrestling or nascar

79. FAVORITE FAST FOOD ownRESTURANT? Dairy Queen or Pizza Hut

80. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI? no..yuck

81. LAST THING YOU WATCHED? Intervention..well its on now

82. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? I dont know anymore

83. PLAY ANY MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS? no, wish i did tho

84: Vanilla or Chocolate: chocolate

85. KISSES OR HUGS? kisses


87. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? a case of dr.pepper

89. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? Dying for Revenge By: Eric Jerome Dickey

90. DESCRIBE YOUR LOVE LIFE: beautiful, romantic

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Movie & Kids

Today I went to the movies to see "The Uninvited". It was really good. We got there kinda early and the earlier movie was still playing so I went and watched "Taken" for a few minutes. The part I saw was really good, so I gotta get that when it comes out on dvd. Today has been a good day. I didnt get any rest tho. So tomorrow I plan on sleeping in. I need it. Oh, this little girl that goes to the school I work at came over here tonight. She had come by earlier but I wasnt home. First, why in the world was she allowed to go walking to someones house at night, specially to someones house her parents dont know. She didnt even have on a jacket, and it was cold out for me and I like the cold weather. She said she wasnt cold. I hope she dont get sick. She said her family was having a birthday party, and she wanted to come by to tell me hey. Then before she left she says she's gonna come back more often. Huh? Why? Its cute and she seems like a nice little girl and all but her parents need to find somebody for her to play with or give her attention themselves cuz she's obviously lonely and in need of attention. I'd hate for her to seek attention from the wrong person and she ends up in trouble. I mean it makes me wonder if she does this all the time. Its some perverted people out there that like to mess with little girls..and if her parents are too busy to notice she's snuck off in the middle of the night something can happen and nobody would know it. I just hate stuff like that because so many kids go missing and end up dead and alot of others are abused in sick horrible ways..its scary. I mean I have to be careful myself walking at night, a little girl shouldnt be out at night by herself. I dont know. That got long winded, lol. I guess it just bothers me. You never know what can happen.


I never needed you to be strong
I never needed you for pointing out my wrongs
I never needed pain, I never needed strength
My love for you was strong enough you should have known

I never needed you for judgements
I never needed you to question what I spent
I never ask for help, I take care of myself,
I don't know why you think you've got a hold on me

And it's a little late for conversations
There isn't anything for you to say
And my eye's hurt, hand's shiver,
So look at me and listen to me because

I don't want too, stay another minute
I don't want you, to say a single word
Hush, hush, hush, hush
There is no other way, I get the final say because,
I don't want too, do this any longer
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say
Hush, hush, hush, hush
I've already spoken, our love is broken
Baby hush, hush

I never needed your corrections
On everything from how I act to what I say
I never needed words
I never needed hurts
I never needed you to be there everyday

I'm sorry for the way I let go
From everything I wanted when you came along
But I'm never beaten, broken not defeated
I know next to you is not where I belong

And it's a little late for explanations
There isn't anything that you can do
And my eye's hurt, hand's shiver,
So you will listen when I say

I don't want too, stay another minute
I don't want you, to say a single word
Hush, hush, hush, hush
There is no other way, I get the final say because,
I don't want too, do this any longer
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say
Hush, hush, hush, hush
I've already spoken, our love is broken
Baby hush, hush

No more words, no more lies, no more crying
No more pain, no more hurt, no more trying

I don't want too, stay another minute
I don't want you, to say a single word
Hush, hush, hush, hush
There is no other way, I get the final say because,
I don't want too, do this any longer
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say
Hush, hush, hush, hush
I've already spoken, our love is broken
Baby hush, hush

Yeaaaaah (hush, hush, hush, hush)

I've already spoken, our love is brokenBaby

My favorite song today..."Hush, hush". Yeah Pussycatdolls again. So what, Im lovin my new cd...anyway. Why I like this song. Another one I can relate to. When you've been dealing with someone for so long, putting up with and letting go of things you knew you shouldnt have and you get to the point where your fed up of being mistreated and taken for granted. When you reach that last straw and you just cant take it anymore. You dont want to hear anymore lies, no more promises you know will only be broken in the end. You just want to open the flood gates and release everything you've been holding back. All the things you wanted to say but didnt because you wanted to be the better person and you wanted to try to make things work. And after you've said all that was left to say you want to walk away and never look back.


this skin that Im in, is it enough yet
is this as good as its gonna get
this tainted air I breathe is thick
sometimes this rollercoaster makes me sick
this ride that im on, is ok if I coast
and enjoy the moments that i love the most
or is it a sin to be happy, sometimes it seems
the way people have crushed my dreams
and stumped and trashed all my hopes
now im left with all of these ropes
bet they'd like me to hang myself
sorry I strangely care for my own health
even tho others could care less
content to leave me in a pile of mess
I'll still wake up in this skin, bleeding from within
Glass cutting my patience this thin
Dont want to be a waste in the end